Cuddly Lies
by Zondaria
Summary: Roy's a liar. RoyxEd


This came to me yesterday! I was just watching TV when I was struck with a strange inspiration. Therefore here you go.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Ha! Ha! You can't sue me! In your eye!

Cuddly Lies

"You want me to ask him WHAT?" Havoc shrieked.

A dead silence fell over Colonel Roy Mustang's office as the occupants stared at said Second Lieutenant.

Fuery glanced at Roy before repeating his words in the blonde's ear.

"You ask him!" Havoc said loudly.

"Oh, fine!" Fuery snapped. He turned and asked, "Colonel, don't ask me where I got this but, do you like to cuddle?"

The very foundation of the building shook as Roy yelled, "WHY THE HELL DO 'YOU' WANT TO KNOW?"

Roy breathed deeply, giving Fuery a You're-not-getting-any-ideas-are-you? look.

"Curiosity." Fuery said rather evasively.

Havoc backed up against the door, wanting to get out of this conversation as quick as humanly possible, but just as he turned the knob, Roy answered Fuery's question.

"No. It's strictly sexual with me."

This had gone way too far!

Havoc was about to jerk open the door and run for it when he heard a voice whisper on the other side.

"That's a blatant lie."

Havoc's eyes widened as he realized that it was Edward's voice. He had to stop an evil grin from leaping onto his face.

This was going to be fun.

He turned around, but stayed next to the door in case Edward said something else.

"I don't believe you." Havoc stated flatly.

"Excuse me?" Roy questioned.

"I said that I don't believe what you're saying."

"And why not?"

"You just have this look on your face."

"Really?" Roy asked sarcastically.

"He 'loves' to cuddle." Ed whispered from outside the office.

Havoc continued with this new information, "You're trying to tell me you don't like to cuddle your little blonde teddy bear?" He half expected Ed to throw open the door and hit him for using the word 'little' but, fortunately, that didn't happen.

"I have never cuddled and I never will!" Roy said forcefully. He paused, "And you can't call Edward a teddy bear. He's more like a kitten. Especially when he purrs when I scratch his head and pet his neck."

Roy crossed the line with that one.

"We cuddled for four hours straight on the couch yesterday while wrapped in a blanket." Edward reported.

"Four hours?" Havoc exclaimed loudly.

Roy and Fuery stared at him.

"You snuggled your kitty for four hours straight yesterday?"

Roy visibly paled.

"On a comfy couch?" Havoc continued.

"How the hell do you kno-?"

Havoc cut him off, "Wrapped up in a warm blanket?"

A dead silence permeated the room until Edward said loudly, "Actually, it was closer to five hours."

"EDWARD!" Roy shrieked.

Said blonde pushed open the door to smirk at the Colonel.

"I don't believe you told 'him' about yesterday." Roy accused, pointing at Havoc.

"Well, 'you' shouldn't have said the kitten thing." Ed glared. "I was just getting even."

They glared at each other as the other two looked on in mild fear. The Flame and the Fullmetal were extremely powerful alchemist. If they ever came to blows, which was highly unlikely nowadays, the whole world would quake in terror of their power.

But what the world didn't know was that the Flame had turned the Fullmetal into a purring kitten and the Fullmetal had charmed the Flame into a harmless puppy.

Of course, it was never shown to anyone else. But Roy's subordinates caught glimpses of the relationship when Edward would "persuade" Roy to do something the Colonel didn't want to do. Many times, Hawkeye had shown up with a large stack of paperwork for Roy to complete but the Colonel had, rather bravely, refused.

Once, Riza had nearly pulled her gun when Ed stepped forward and, with a smirk, took Roy's hand and led him out of the office.

When they returned twenty minutes later, Roy went straight for his paperwork without any more complaints.

The others couldn't believe their eyes.

Havoc asked Edward what he had done but the blond hadn't answered the question, just licked the corners of his mouth, saying, "Al's probably wondering where I am, I'd better get back."

As Ed left, Havoc looked at the colonel, who was working diligently now with an expression of sated contentment.

Havoc muttered loud enough for Roy to hear, "That's disgusting."

"But oddly effective." Riza had commented.

Havoc jerked out toe he memory at Ed's voice, "Havoc! Are you deaf or something?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Just lost in thought."

"You actually think?" Ed asked.

Havoc glared, "Why don't you two go cuddle some more?"

Bad idea Havoc, bad idea.


End file.
